"Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated."

~A. LaMartine

Yeah, it's done. Any hope I may have held onto is let go. I'm still trying to sort it out. I'm so tired of feeling this. I just can't shake the part of me that feels this profound remorse over losing something that could have been incredible; the kind of happiness that you look for with another person. A part of me mourns for what might have been. It had the possibility of being "the one". Now it seems we'll never know.
Hell, I didn't even know if the concept of "soulmate" even existed...until her. Meeting her made me believe. I don't know, maybe the deck was stacked against us. Distance, life situations, history, spirituality... Oh hell, I don't care. All those things don't matter compared to what I feel. I was ready to accept all of it. There's no one else like her. All of those things, similar or vastly different, combine to make her who I love. I believe she loves me, and I hope she believes I know that. She just doesn't love me in the same context.

I hope she believes my love for her is real, too. As real as I know it to be. I choose to love her. I would do anything for her. There is more truth here than I have ever known.

So, I keep trying to tell myself that if it were meant to be, it would be. But necessity breeds choice, and this choice was not mine to make. I need to live with it, learn to be happy, again. I will, I know, but I don't know how long it will take.
I find myself experiencing waves of sadness and loneliness, though less often now. I have lost 14 lbs. in the past couple months, which is, ironically, a good thing.
I look inward; I think; I analyze. I over analyze. I need to look with-in, but without losing sight of my general nature. I like being a happy person. I love to laugh. It's who I am meant to be. It's a defining characteristic; one I'd like to keep.

So bear with me (as if anyone is bothering to read this), commiserate with me, have a drink with me, dance with me, laugh with me, and live.