I look back on the week and I notice something. I haven't actually looked in the mirror. Well, I've looked, but I haven't really seen anything. Just some guy shaving, walking past, opening the cabinet above the sink...but I haven't actually SEEN him.
I've felt things that seemed to be necessary to him. I've even tried to label those things a "process". I've taken photos of him and only now do I actually see him.

He saddens and repulses me.

It can't be me. It's not who I am; not who I know I can be. I hate what I became this week. No true purpose was served. I don't know if it was some fucked-up, self-preservation mechanism for my heart, but it was distasteful.

I look inside myself now and I seek to know it's origin. I want to cut it out and release it so that I and those around me are free of it.

Neil