It has become increasingly clear that as of late I have not been getting enough sleep or eating properly. I am such a night person, I have been out of whack because of it. Not enough sleep...I need a nap.

I don't want to feel older than what my birthday will be in June. I've always felt like a big kid but for the first time, I feel my age. Maybe I need my chi cleansed. And then a way to keep it balanced. Or something of that ilk.

And a nap.

Happy Friday!

Here's another strange link I came across:

http://www.dragonwings.net/BosomBuddies.htm

I can see how this could be fun, or playful in spirit, but somehow I find these items a little unsettling. There's just something about them...oh well.

Have a great weekend!

Holy crap, where does the time go? It's been, like, a month since my last entry. My apologies.

I'm stopping in to let you all in on another blog I was directed to: http://stuckinrehabwithpatobrien.blogspot.com/

It's really fuckin' funny. Go check it out and have a giggle.

"There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die."
------

"Let's get down to brass tacks. How much for the ape?"


See ya Hunter. Wished you stuck around a little longer, but I hope you are where you want to be.

Generally, I have a great distaste for commercials. They certainly don't affect my decision to buy their products or services. At the most, they occasionally give me a chuckle. But every once in a while, a commercial comes along with just the right combination of funny and creepy.

Right now, the commercials that have managed to garner my attention are those for the Van Kamps frozen fish campaign. You know; one has a fish standing on its' tail by the park swings and the mother, son and daughter stand, wide-eyed, mouths agape in horror. Then the daughter reaches out her arm to touch the fish, whose mouth opens and closes in an "I can't breathe but I could still hurt you" sort of way. The mother steps forward to keep her daughter from touching the ever so disturbing fish.

There is also another one where the fish is standing on end at a raquetball court. Similar reactions emanate from bystanders there. The tagline for these ads is, "Uncomfortable with fish?" Well, I wasn't until these fuckin' commercials!

I am made thoroughly uneasy during these ads, and yet, I can't hold back my amusement as well. I'm sorry; they're creepy, but really funny. They are, without question, my favorite commercials in a long time. Except for the ones I saw with chimps in office cubicles last week. Anything with monkeys or chimps is funny.

Happy Trails, folks. But beware of the fish.

Well, we all know how the Eagles did; they put up a good fight and could've won if not for the freakin' interceptions. Sigh...now I'm left with the cliche' , "There's always next year." Ack.

Saw "The Aviator". It was very good, but I can't help but feel like it was either too long by about 40 mintues, or not quite in depth enough in a few spots. Strange. DiCaprio was quite good, but Cate Blanchett shined above all, in my opinion. She is just fantastic. I really felt like I was watching Katherine Hepburn. Just wonderful.

Still need to see "Ray" and "Million Dollar Baby" just to complete my viewing of all the Best Picture noms. I need to make informed decisions when I go to the Oscar party. there's always money riding on these things and papa needs a new pair of shoes. Well, not literally. It's just a figure of speech. Really.

Ta.

Oh, it's Superbowl weekend, people. I don't normally care that much, but the Philadelphia Eagles are in it and it's been 24 years. I haven't had a reason to scream and yell and root for a team in the Superbowl 'til now. This is gonna be big. Philly friends together, cheese steaks and hoagies from South Street, and beer. Good times.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Go Eagles!

Greets,

Busy weekend ahead. I've a play to attend co-written by Penn Jillette and starring Dean Cameron, then Jumbo's Clown Room, a friend's birthday shin-dig, maybe even a little work this weekend (Ha!, right. Maybe next weekend). Something on Sunday, but I can't remember... Oh well, I'll think of it eventually.

Hope everyone is well and has a funtastic weekend.

Cheers!

Finally, after 24 years, the Philadelphia Eagles are going to the Superbowl.

Go Birds!

Salutations, bloggers and blog readers.

A bright spot in my psychological dyspepsia begins tonight. I took a day off tomorrow from work because some good friends from Philly (Rob and Rose) are in town for a visit. They've come in for another friends' baby shower. And I have Monday off so I'm going to bask in a four day weekend. I need it. It'll be good to see some friends from back east.

Hope everyone has a good weekend. Be well, travel safe, and soak up the love.

Cheers,

Me

Look what the cat dragged in.

Hope you all had a good holiday season. I spent the week between Christmas and New Years, and some, rather sick. Yay, me. I've been sick at New Years around four of the past five years. I must say, this is hardly fair. Miserable and unproductive for over a week. It was my vacation, fer cryin' out loud. Stupid germs.

I wish there was more to report, but alas, there isn't. It left me in a bit of a funk. The holidays aren't exactly my favorite time of year anymore, anyway.

Well, when I've something to say, I'll be back.

With Christmas upon us, I would like to wish everyone a happy holiday. Where ever you're going, whoever you spend it with, be happy, love and know that you are loved. If anyone isn't getting enough love, I'm dishing out extra helpings here.

Hugs and Kisses,

Neil

Sing it with me, people:


Christmas time is here
Happiness and cheer
Fun for all that children call
Their favorite time of the year

Snowflakes in the air
Carols everywhere
Olden times and ancient rhymes
Of love and dreams to share

Sleigh bells in the air
Beauty everywhere
Yuletide by the fireside
And joyful memories there

Christmas time is here
We'll be drawing near
Oh, that we could always see
Such spirit through the year
Oh, that we could always see
Such spirit through the year...
---------------

Happy Holidays. OXOX

Hey, would someone please send me some Holiday spirit? I'm just not finding it this year.

Thanks.

"True love is not finding the perfect person, it's learning to view the imperfect person perfectly.
When you look beyond the imperfections, you begin to see what makes people beautiful.
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person we will know how to be grateful for that gift of LOVE
Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship and find out you still care for that person."
----

I forget where I found this, but I like it.

Giving thanks for:

Meeting the most amazing woman I've ever known. She is everything I ever imagined I'd want in life. She helped me believe in the magical idea of the "soulmate".

The support of great friends. They've been there for me during my recent struggle with this dubious notion of the existence of a "soulmate".

Laughter. It really is the best medicine.

Alcohol. Sometimes it has useful moments, too. :)

Give thanks.

Love, Neil

"Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated."

~A. LaMartine

Yeah, it's done. Any hope I may have held onto is let go. I'm still trying to sort it out. I'm so tired of feeling this. I just can't shake the part of me that feels this profound remorse over losing something that could have been incredible; the kind of happiness that you look for with another person. A part of me mourns for what might have been. It had the possibility of being "the one". Now it seems we'll never know.
Hell, I didn't even know if the concept of "soulmate" even existed...until her. Meeting her made me believe. I don't know, maybe the deck was stacked against us. Distance, life situations, history, spirituality... Oh hell, I don't care. All those things don't matter compared to what I feel. I was ready to accept all of it. There's no one else like her. All of those things, similar or vastly different, combine to make her who I love. I believe she loves me, and I hope she believes I know that. She just doesn't love me in the same context.

I hope she believes my love for her is real, too. As real as I know it to be. I choose to love her. I would do anything for her. There is more truth here than I have ever known.

So, I keep trying to tell myself that if it were meant to be, it would be. But necessity breeds choice, and this choice was not mine to make. I need to live with it, learn to be happy, again. I will, I know, but I don't know how long it will take.
I find myself experiencing waves of sadness and loneliness, though less often now. I have lost 14 lbs. in the past couple months, which is, ironically, a good thing.
I look inward; I think; I analyze. I over analyze. I need to look with-in, but without losing sight of my general nature. I like being a happy person. I love to laugh. It's who I am meant to be. It's a defining characteristic; one I'd like to keep.

So bear with me (as if anyone is bothering to read this), commiserate with me, have a drink with me, dance with me, laugh with me, and live.

Look what I just read:

My Daily Gemini Forecast-

Quickie: Sometimes the choices are overwhelming. A long walk will help clear your mind.

Overview: No matter how deprived you think you are, take a step backward and really look at the situation. You'll realize you actually have it all. Now pull in that lower lip and say thank you to the universe.

Daily extended:

Intellectual communion drives you. Share your ideas with anyone who will listen -- it could lead to something unexpected and wonderful. Tonight is a time when minds meet, dance together and embrace, whether at a social event or in cyberspace. Spend time with friends or find someone online who has something in common with you. Join a club or group where you can share your experiences. People around you will be motivated by what you offer to the conversation.

Very interesting...

The past few weeks, I've not been myself. At least not my usual self. I'm the guy that smiles a lot, laughs a lot, and somehow manages to make others do the same. But I haven't really been that person in a while. I've been looking inward so much that I've forgotten about the person I like to be.
Who knows why things happen in life. We have so much control of some things, none over other things. Things just are. We just have to accept that which we cannot control and move on. I'm not saying there aren't things I can look at more closely about myself, and I will. But six weeks ago, I was still my jovial self. I miss that jovial, gregarious person I know I am. Any other behavior is contrary to my nature.

My friend Jessica says that things that happen to us, people we meet; each one serves a purpose in our life. there is a reason for each one. Maybe this one is meant to have me look inward right now. I'm doing that. And I'll keep doing it.

But at the same time, my friend Loretta, though offering her gracious support, also thinks I need the breathless laughter and adrenaline that only a roller-coaster can bring. And I whole-heartedly agree. There is such a freedom in that kind of laughter; one I haven't felt in a long time. And I want to be that person again.

I took the first step last night by watching a movie I've been told to see by virtually everyone I know: "Office Space". I certainly haven't laughed that much in weeks. I actually felt like my old self again.

It's not so much about finding yourself; it's just knowing who you want to be.

Amazing how life spins on the head of a pin. I don't think I'm the same person I was about 4 weeks ago. I wonder if I'll ever see that guy again?